the middle

I have been silent, taking a social media vacation so to speak.  In that time, I’ve had an actual vacation where I spent oodles of time with family, loving every minute of it!

Before the vacation I took an amazing amount of time going through things that we’ve kept around the house. Purge and donate. Purge and donate. Purge and donate. Repeat…

create space.jpgInterestingly enough, I found an old journal that I kept for when I travelled. I never used to keep a journal, and it’s only a new habit that I’ve recently formed, but when I went on my vacation this time, I didn’t write at all. Weird.

So before when I had a vision of downtime on vacation I chose to write. This time I had downtime but didn’t write, but do write in my everyday life. Bizarre!

Anyways, now that I’m here and life is somewhat back to routine, I’ve had a hard time picking up my pen. It was almost as if I’d lost a part of what my initial motivation was.

And then…

I picked up a book by Brene Brown…Rising Strong. In one word, it’s simply…

amazing

I know, how could I possibly add another book to the current ongoing collection but I did finish a few so…what’s a gal to do?  Pick up another book, of course! Interested? Check out my previous list here (books i’m reading)

Anyways, here I am only 70 pages in and I feel as though I am almost out of ink on my pen for all of the underlining and notes that I’ve made.  I once heard an interview from a songwriter who said that every word of every line that is written is so integral to making that song be the very best that it can be.  THAT is what is happening with this book.  There is such intense care and detail, INTENTION, into every word, thought, idea, sentence, graphic, chapter, EVERYTHING that it is coming together to REVOLUTIONIZE the way we think, feel, and be. How we SHOW UP!

But, we need to be courageous to do the work of creating awareness. 

One of the things that I realized from being on vacation, was that without my regular practice of my daily routine I found myself being ‘stuck.’ I found myself falling into old habits that I have worked so hard on letting go. (sleeping in!) I found my mind falling into old patterns of the thoughts I used to think. (quit being lazy!) I found myself moving backwards, (which isn’t really true because of all that I’ve learned) and there I was in the MIDDLE.  I wasn’t what I was before and I wasn’t moving towards…anything. Limbo-land.  Which actually makes being in the MIDDLE even more scary because I knew what I should do but I couldn’t make myself get out of it.  It needed time to percolate.

It only took a moment, (picking up the book) but it all came flooding back as to what is really important to me. I grabbed my bullet journal and made a list. I went back to setting up my day with intention. I got on my yoga mat. I got out my juicer. I got out of my head, and into my heart. And that’s when the flow started to happen. Shit started to get done. A return to me.

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That being said, it wasn’t until that moment of surrender and recognition that the actual work started to take place.  And even though it was hard, and felt like a re-lapse of sorts I learned so much about what is important to me and how to make time for those things.

Being in the middle is scary. And even though it might be hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel, take a moment to tune in and remember what it feels like to be yourself. It’s there, sometimes it just takes a little more digging.

At the end, I wouldn’t change a moment, because I truly enjoyed sleeping in, being lazy, eating food that maybe wasn’t the best, taking in scenery that is the most breathtaking you’ll ever see, but most importantly, spending time with my family who are the most important people to me in this whole world.

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If you ever get a chance to drive through Canmore, Banff and Jasper, Alberta I highly recommend it. The beauty of our world, leaves me speechless.

Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do. ~Brene Brown