it’s that time again

Every year, this week comes around and yes, it makes me emotional. It really gets to me when my boys head back to school.  I miss them. I miss having the connection of us, every day for 2 whole months.  I miss the freedom of doing whatever we want, whenever we want. It reminds me of when they were little, before the school days, where it was just us and they never had to grow up.

But growing up happens, whether I like it or not, and seeing the amazing human beings they are and what they are turning and developing into, makes my heart happy on a daily basis.  They don’t know this, but my insides get more than a little mushy when I see their faces, when I see them going after what they want, when I witness them stepping up and out of the shell I seem to have them in. (still) After all, isn’t that what mothers do?  Hold on a little too long?

I’m more than ok with holding on a little too long because I need and want them to know that I am always waiting to catch them for that tough conversation, the extra hug, for the whatever it is for as long as they need me to be that for them, because it’s that important. They are THAT important.  Not just to me, but to this world. What they contribute and what we all contribute to our world and community is so very important.  It matters. It really really does.

When I started this blog, I didn’t think I would talk about my boys because I really wanted to keep that part of my life private, but if I don’t talk about them, then a part of me would always be missing here. And I want them to know if they ever decided to read this, that they are and will always be THE most important part of my life. (along with my hubs!)

Every year we take pictures (of course), and after they leave for school, I sit and write down in a notebook how the morning went.  What they were excited for, how the first school bus ride went, who their friends were, every little detail I can think of so that through my words, they can remember each year.  What I haven’t written in that book though, is how I cried every first day in my car, hoping that they were ok, that I taught them enough so they were ready, how I wish I could be by their side in case they had a moment of uncertainty, how I called my husband and shared with him my thoughts, and he always said that they would be fine, and would have a great day.  He was always right.

I remember being their age, and parts of me have forgotten how tough it was. How incredibly awesome it was. How growing up and having more freedom each year felt. Knowing that I had parents and people around me that trusted me so much to have that freedom.  It really is such an exciting time in our lives.

I have been lucky enough to volunteer and work in the school system, and I know first hand how hard our teachers work for our kids, how their hearts get so involved that they treat them like their own, how they want them to succeed just as much as the parents do. It’s a tough job. It takes a special person to open themselves up each day to that many different individuals who have different needs each day.  It’s especially tough to see the kids who don’t have the support system in their lives that they deserve.  Sometimes school is the best and safest place to be, and the teachers that I’ve worked with help those kids blossom in spite of all of that.

Tomorrow is the first day back to school, and I will do all of the same things, get up and ready, make their lunches, wake them up and annoy them with pictures, have my little cry, talk to my husband, and then sit and take it all in, and smile. And enjoy the day to myself, waiting until they get home so I can hear all about it.  Those heart happy conversations that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.  Those moments when we are all, “all in”, so immersed in the excitement and the stories of the day.  Those invisible strands of connection that I can’t physically see but can feel with my heart.

I came across the following quote and I’m sending it out to all of you Moms out there, and to all the kiddos that are heading out into a fresh new school year…

“If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness, don’t waste time with regret. Spin widely into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; because you’ll never get another one quite like it.  And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a break and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart…where your hope lives.  You’ll find your way again.” – Gilmore Girls

If you have kids that are about to go to school, I would love to hear all about it. How do you handle the first day? Does it bring you right back to your firsts days of school? I sure know that happens to me to! And who doesn’t love the smell of fresh stationary? The best EVER!

Have a great day back everyone!